Title: How to Hold a Grudge Pdf From Resentment to Contentment
Author: Sophie Hannah
Published Date: 2019-01-01
Page: 272
Sophie Hannah is an internationally bestselling writer of psychological crime fiction, published in forty-nine languages and fifty-one territories. Her thrillers are award-winning and have been adapted for television. Her poetry has been studied across the UK and has been shortlisted for the TS Eliot Award. How to Hold a Grudge is Sophie’s first nonfiction book. How to Hold a Grudge
Secretly, we all hold grudges, but most of us probably think we shouldn’t, and many of us deny that we do. To bear a grudge is too negative, right? Shouldn’t we just forgive and move on? Wrong, says self-appointed grudge guru Sophie Hannah, in her groundbreaking and irreverent self-help guide. Yes, it’s essential to think positively if we want to live happy lives, but even more crucial is how we get to the positive. Denying our negative emotions and experiences is likely to lead only to more pain, conflict, and stress.
What if our grudges are good for us? What if we could embrace them, and use them to help ourselves and others, instead of feeling ashamed of our inability to banish negative emotions and memories from our lives? With contributions from expert psychotherapists as well as extracts from her own extensive catalog of grudges, Sophie Hannah investigates the psychological origins of grudges and also offers not-so-obvious insights into how we should acknowledge—and embrace—them in order to improve the quality of our interpersonal relationships and senses of self. Grudges do not have to fill us with hate or make us toxic, bitter, and miserable. If we approach the practice of grudge-holding in an enlightened way, it will do the opposite—we will become more forgiving.
Practical, compassionate, and downright funny, How to Hold a Grudge reveals everything we need to know about the many different forms of grudge, the difference between a grudge and not-a-grudge (not as obvious as it seems), when we should let a grudge go, and how to honor a grudge and distill lessons from it that will turn us into better, happier people—for our own benefit and for the sake of spreading good and limiting harm in the world.
Lessons Learned and Benefits Gained by Holding Grudges Approach your grudges by analyzing them and learning from them. It's a novel approach that I think can really work. Hannah's conversational style is easy to read and absorb. Grudge holding erases hatred and self loathing, allowing you to move on. I'm definitely going to try it.There is no need for a book like this; don't waste your time I truly wonder why Sophie Hannah wrote this book. Successful in her other offerings, she does not have the qualifications, credentials or training to write a book based on psychology; and it cannot be touted as a self-help book when her aim seems to be talking about herself. There may not be any current books about grudges, but is there really a need for one? Does the world need more people holding tight to every real or imagined slight?That is what this book recommends. Don't only hold on to your grudges (proudly!), but look for instances where you have less than satisfactory interactions, write them down, and physically keep them in a special place, for they are your story and lessons of your life. Then you can pull them out time and again to review them and treasure them! Yes, TREASURE YOUR GRUDGES!!The author even categorizes her grudges (naming well over 30 categories), as well as grades them according to their dreadfulness, impact, and intention. She proudly talks about the ages of some of these grudges (over thirty years!! YAY?) There are even rules for keeping and releasing grudges. Does this sound over the top to anyone else?I must also wonder if the author realizes that her book shows her in a bad light as a person who is easily upset with others who hurt her by not doing things, saying things or reacting in the precise way she thinks they should. Her first example of a grudge in her book (important because she could tell there was something meaningful happening as it happened) tells of a time she stayed with a married couple. The husband, Martin has a quirky obsession with his cat and must know where it is at all times. The author found herself awakened during the night, when Martin turned on the lights, entered the guest room and was searching for his cat under her bed. (I agree this was totally inappropriate behavior on his part!) However, Ms. Hannah admits Martin would throw himself in harms way if he felt she were being threatened and would not hesitate to help her should she be in need of anything. However, she determined that she has a grudge against him because on a day-to-day basis when she is in no danger or need, Martin puts himself first. She must remember that and take steps to protect herself. Really? You must PROTECT yourself from him??Another adage cited in the book - Vern and Fern visited the author and her two young children (her husband was away). It was dark when they were ready to leave. The author said she would walk them out to their taxi as there was something she needed to get from her car. They offered to stay in the house with the children (who were in bed) while she got what she needed. She insisted at walking them out and so she did. She was further infuriated when the taxi didn't leave and seemed to be waiting until she was safely back inside. She internalized this as a judgement against her ability to parent her children or to know what to do should she get locked out of the house. In her mind, she shouted out several "F-you! Just F-you!!" (abbreviation of the word mine) before giving up and going into the house. This too became a grudge against what I saw as a couple simply acting in a mannerly, concerned way.Ms. Hannah is very dismissive of psychologists and well-known authors in the field calling what they write "a load of crap!" , which is disconcerting. Most adults are well aware that not everything works out the way we'd like. We process our feeling, adapt if called for, note lessons learned, and move on with our lives. We don't proudly keep a physical catalog of all missteps committed against us!In another adage cited by the author, she asked her husband ""how would you categorize grudges?" "I wouldn't" "Well if you had to?" "I don't know, maybe x, y and z" "No, that's not the best way to do it!" I cut him off, excited by the idea I'd just had. He shrugged and left the room (possibly holding a grudge because I'd insisted that he participate in a conversation he didn't want to have, and then talked over him.)" Self-absorbed? You bet! Values others? Not so much.Unfortunately, I know several people like this, and my lesson learned is that they tend to be controlling, wanting/expecting others to react or voice their thoughts in a manner predetermined by the person needing to be in control to feel safe. They also tend to be self-absorbed, wanting every interaction to be about them. No matter the topic of conversation they turn it around to themselves. Unfortunately, most people, including myself, don't like to be around people like this as they soon tire of feeling judged and walking on eggshells.I don't want to spend the precious time I have on this earth cataloging, categorizing, grading, reviewing and TREASURING every wrong ever done to me. Life is far too short!! Beyond that, there is such a thing as grace, and rising above. Ms. Hannah is very comfortable with her chosen focus. I choose another path for my life - I choose joy!!Please stick to fiction, Ms. Hannah.Thanks to NetGalley and Scribner for allowing me to read an advanced copy of this book in exchange for an unbiased opinion.
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